You may find it surprising, and perhaps even a little disconcerting that a celebrity such as myself has chores to attend to. Well, I too am equally perturbed by this. Yet even after the multiple family meetings I’ve called and the ensuing appeals, it seems like I have no choice but to help out around the house. Supposedly just because I’m famous doesn’t mean we can afford a full time butler and housekeeper to pick up after me and attend to my every whim.
I feel a need to share this problem with others, which is why it has become this week’s blog post. Maybe after everyone sees the injustice that is being done to me, Mum and Dad might feel more pressure to let me do less around here.
1. Help With The Sock Laundry
Mum originally wanted me to do all the laundry, which was just preposterous. I was willing to compromise though – as I am not an unreasonable dog – and so I agreed to take care of the socks. Particularly Dad’s work socks.
So everyday when he comes home from work, it’s my job to take them off his feet and pre-rinse them (saves on water).
My comment is that Dad should be taking my socks off and sucking them clean everyday, not the other way around.
2. Monitor My Own Hygiene
I know what you’re thinking; “Crusoe, you can’t possibly be in charge of taking care of your own hygiene yourself?”
Well, it’s true. Even if I don’t exactly do my own nail clipping, it’s my job to tell Dad to do it. If I didn’t, it would never get done.
So again, just another thing that has to sit on my mind.
And in between my regular trips to the dentist, I even have to brush my teeth and shave all by myself! Can’t have those whiskers going ‘wirey’ on me..
Luckily Mum holds my magazine while I go to the bathroom, but that’s truly the least she could do..
And heck, I even apply my own moisturizer! How many dogs do you know that can do that?
I got to do what it takes to stay silky soft for the ladies.
3. Clean Up My Toys
This is probably the hardest of them all. On a weekly basis, Mum makes me gather all my toys lying around the house and put them back in the basket. It sounds simple, but it’s really not. She puts all my least favorite toys at the bottom, but I keep telling her my favorite toy can change on a second’s notice. So then she just ends up mixing them all together. At this point I am just so confused as to which ones are my favorite that I need to pull them all out again and start over.
It’s a long process, which would be made a lot simpler if I had more toys.
4. Help Mum With Her Exercises
This was somewhat of a voluntary action on my part, but I feel the need to help others get in as good shape as myself. So when Mum starts doing her push-ups every night (it’s not actually every night but she made me say that), I am right there on top of her to count them out.
When she’s so pooped that she collapses to the ground beneath my paws, I know I’ve done my job.
I also make sure to always be flexing in front of her. Consider it ‘motivation’.
5. Dust & Polish My Trophies
I consider this one more of a privilege than an actual chore. If I ever invite you to dust my trophies, consider it an honor. However, it’s rare that I even allow anyone else to do this, as it’s never quite done to my liking.
6. Protect My Home, Country & The World
It seems like I can only rely on myself at keeping watch for home intruders or property trespassers, which generally include squirrels and gophers. However, it does help when my brother Oakley is here to lend me a hand with this, especially as we make up the dynamic crime fighting duo of BATDOG & Robin.
Anyway, when I do see a perpetrator, it’s my duty to chase them off. You might notice a loud chirp/squeak/bark sound coming from my mouth as I chase them, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun with your chores!
Make sure you click the sound icon for this one!
6. Oversee T-Shirt Production
The Crusoe Fan T-Shirts are officially in-stock and ready to go. It wasn’t without a lot of work on my part though. I had to coordinate the whole order. Then when they arrived it was me who unpacked and organized them.
And when the orders started coming in, I sat as the production supervisor up on my little pedestal, assuring each one was folded and packaged nicely. That’s just how much I care about my fans.
All that work does get to me though.
On occasion, I even had to risk taking a quick nap – just hoping my employees wouldn’t see me slacking on the job.
By the way, the t-shirts are really comfortable…
Get your own Crusoe Fan T-Shirt here.
So as you can see, the chores of a celebrity are not that few and far between after all, and these are only some of the main ones. In fact, I might even go as far as to say I’m the one keeping this household together. Without me there would be dirty socks everywhere, misplaced toys, squirrels running rampant, unfit people lazing on the couch, and absolutely no operational efficiency in the t-shirt order process.
I would much prefer if we could hire someone to do all this for me so I can get back to my regular activities of babe-watching and suntanning – you know, the important stuff.
Anyway, got to go. We’re having another family meeting to review the comments from this blog post.
Keep scrubbin’,
~ Crusoe
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