Being a celebrity is a full time job – courtesy of the paparazzi of course. Even when you think you’re off duty, you’re not, because you never know when a camera might come out and snap one.
That’s why I live by the motto, “always be flexin’”.
Yet, that’s not to say I enjoy being swarmed by the paparazzi. On the contrary, this is why I like to escape to my chalet as often as I can and go on my many trips to far-off exotic places.
Since this weekend was a long weekend (Thanksgiving for Canadians, Columbus Day for Americans), I headed over to my brother Oakley’s house just north of Toronto, which is also a good escape since it’s “in the sticks”. In fact, due to the abundance of squirrels, chipmunks, and other small varmints around here, I now refer to this place as my ‘hunting lodge’.
Above are Oakley (left) and I (right) in our hunting getups ready to take to the woods.
And so away we went. It didn’t take long for Oakley to catch a scent, at which point I raised the signal that something had been spotted!
While Oakley pursued the scent trail, I stood alert on the log. I watched as Oakley stirred up a chipmunk from somewhere under the leaves, wherein it then scrambled into what must have been its home in a nearby hollow log.
I told Oakley to hold his position while I marched over to the chipmunk’s log. Being a celebrity of refined mannerisms, I am likewise a polite hunter.
So out of courtesy, I knocked first on the log to let the chipmunk know it had a visitor.
Still no answer, so I peeped in the front door as far as I could fit.
Still no response, which I deemed to be a bit rude of the chipmunk at this point. So I decided to check the back door with Oakley, and when we did – can you believe it – the chipmunk took off out the front door and whipped up a nearby tree.
Incredible. Chipmunks may be cute, but their hospitality is far from respectable. Next time I won’t be so forthcoming in my arrival.
That was a bit of a disappointing hunting trip, but things were about to turn around. Later that day, the family all got together for our Thanksgiving celebration. And the star of the feast was a goose which was hunted for real that morning.
Now they should have invited me to that hunt!
While dinner preparations were being made, I was lucky enough to catch a few pieces of goose that happened to “slip” off the counter ; )
However, I didn’t eat the pieces that hit the floor first, because come on – eating off the floor just wouldn’t jive well with my image.
Oakley didn’t have a problem eating those ones though.
Besides, I had my own spot secured at the table where I could enjoy all the goose I wanted, not to mention all the other delicious helpings.
I slept well that night with a full belly.
The next day Oakley asked me if BATDOG and Robin might make an appearance, as he’s always anxious to share in the superhero spotlight. Since I don’t see him that often, I figured might as well.
If it’s for the fans, I can’t complain.
It was then that Dad informed me of some people being supposedly unhappy with the choice of Ben Affleck for the new batman movie.
That made me perk up!
Recognizing this as a good opportunity, we decided to film a little teaser clip in front of a Warner Bros logo. Hollywood can consider this our application for the roles of Batman – and Robin (if he’s in the new movie).
But today was a holiday, so BATDOG and Robin were off-duty and not responding to any calls (sorry ladies).
Instead, this is what two superheros on break look like:
But if Hollywood is reading this, please note we would work really hard on set and only require enough breaks to allow us to reach our regular 12 hours or beauty naptime a day. And maybe just a couple more for some squeaky ball time – that’s it though!
So until Hollywood gives me a call, I’ll just be doing what celebrities do; partyin’, squeakin’, huntin’, and just ballin’ in general.
A happy Thanksgiving and Columbus Day everyone!
Keep knockin’,
~ Crusoe
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