My 1st World Problems as a Celebrity Dachshund

I may be a celebrity, and you probably think my life’s as good as it gets. But don’t be confused, I have problems just like everyone else. It’s just that my problems are maybe, well, less ‘severe’ than some others’.

Also, this post was by fan-request, so it’s not that I am particularly frustrated or disgruntled at the moment.

  • I dislike how my morning schedule is determined by Dad’s alarm clock. Since I don’t have to work like him, I would prefer to sleep in. This is one of the reasons I’ve been lobbying Mum and Dad to have my own room when we move to our new house this weekend.
  • I am constantly misplacing my ‘preferred toy of the day’ among all my other toys. I go through phases of which toy is my favorite, but it is frustrating when my favorite ball of the moment looks the same as all the other balls lying around the house. I won’t even play with the other ones – I just keep looking for the one I was playing with earlier.

Lots of Dog Toys

  • I have way too many showers. Even once a month is too many. When Dad says, ‘wanna go in shower??’, my ears go back, my tail coils down, and I go and hide under the covers of the bed.
  • Dad has made me a step for the bed, the couch, and even my Master Celebrity Chair – but he hasn’t made me one to get up onto the dinner table chairs. It’s as if I’m not welcome at the table, which is ridiculous.

dachshund sofa step

  • As you know, Mum works from home, so I’m always with her. But occasionally on the weekend her and Dad will leave me all alone for several hours. It’s not that it’s boring being there alone (since I’ll just play video games, work on my blog, or secretively have a party) – it’s more just the fact that I find it insulting that they didn’t want to take me with them.
  • We only go to PetSmart about once every two weeks. Celebrities are supposed to do much more shopping than that.
  • I really love the taste of fish, especially salmon, but Mum and Dad keep buying the non-organic stuff. I’ve made it clear multiple times that I prefer organic salmon – hence the need for the private chef I’ve also been lobbying for.
  • I am also tired of eating the same damn kibbles everyday. Even with the Omega 3 oil and glucosamine powder they put on my food for my coat and bones, I could still use some variety. That’s why I have to supplement myself with little ‘bites’ from the table.

Dachshund Food Bowl

  • Sometimes I can’t decide what I want to wear on my walk because I have just too many jackets and coats in my wardrobe. Here’s me in my ‘end-of-autumn’ jacket. And yes, I have a ‘beginning-of-autumn’ jacket, too.

jacket for dachshunds

  • I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. Of course it’s the best place to connect with my fans, but it’s surprisingly glitchy for such a monster of a social network. It’s been months that I can’t even do a post while under the ‘home’ tab. I can only post while on the ‘profile’ tab. Totally, totally frustrating.

Let’s see, what else?..

  • My iPad 2 always seems to be out of batteries..

Wiener Dog Using iPad

  • I get too much fan mail, including all sorts of request for me to share people’s causes, pages, or sites. I’m happy to support good causes, but if I shared everyone’s request, that’s all my Facebook page would consist of! I’ll need to hire a secretary pretty soon to manage my email.
  • My personal masseuse always seems to be booked up. I haven’t got a professional massage in months..
  • A lot of people assume I am some sort of lap dog when they see me just because I am small. Au contraire, I am ‘far’ from a lap dog. In fact, that leads me into my next point;
  • Believe it or not, I feel Mum cuddles me too much. Most of the time, actually just about all the time, I don’t even want to cuddle – I just want to play. Sometimes Mum is so insistent that she’ll actually catch me and hold me down beside her until I give in. There’s been especially a lot of this since I hurt myself a couple weeks ago, but in that case, the TLC wasn’t so bad.

It’s a hard life I know. Luckily, I make the best of it.

Is there any I missed? Or what might your ‘1st world problems’ be? Let me know in the comments or on Facebook.

Keep complainin’,

~ Crusoe

Keep ballin’,