Cops & Robbers

This past weekend I paid a quick, surprise visit to my brother Oakley’s place in Toronto.

Now don’t be fooled by these two adorable faces. As soon as you turn around to go sit at your computer, we’re conspiring in the background on our next act of mischief or tomfoolery!

We make a great team; Oakley is a natural trouble-maker, and I’m a natural smooth-talker. So we’re good at getting ourselves in-and-out of trouble!

Oftentimes you’ll see us seemingly watching the squirrels together atop the back of the couch, when actually we’re planning the next crazy-fun, tear-up-the-house activity we’re about to do!

This time I suggested we play a game of “cops & robbers”, and I showed him the new WDPD police car I brought along.

(WDPD standing for Wiener Dog Police Department of course…)

So of course Oakley’s first remark was, “Oh, oh, can I be the cop?! I want to drive!”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Do you remember the multiple accidents you had in your fire truck? In fact, the truck is still in the shop from when you t-boned the cupboard. Don’t you think you might be best to ‘steer clear’ of emergency vehicles for now?”

“No, no, no, I want to drive!” He said. “I need to redeem myself!”

Well, since he insisted, I figured why not?… And so, Officer Oakley was born!

It wasn’t without some coaching though – I had to tell him to “sit up straight”, and, “tuck in that shirt!”

He was so excited to test out his new ride he could barely contain himself. Especially once he discovered that the lights actually flash!

And of course, the slogan for the WDPD is “to squeak and destroy!”

Doesn’t he look proud?

And cute, obviously.

Heck, I’m sure most people would speed on purpose just to get pulled over by this guy! Now that’s the sort of wingman-brother I’ve been waiting for! The chicks will be lining up at the police station to confess their “crimes” in no time!

But anyway, as is customary with Oakley, it wasn’t long before his hat fell over his eyes and then he was driving around in a wild panic.

Luckily I was able to jump in and help him before he could do any damage to our shiny new police car!

“There ye’ go Oakley…” I said as I lifted his hat up. “Now try not to freak out next time that happens. We want to pick up the chicks.. not run them over.”

And so finally we were ready for our first round of “cops & robbers” – but first, we needed a bad guy!

That’s me! Here I am as the rough and tough robber. I just busted out of the joint 2 months ago, have been hitting the gym like crazy, and am back in the game lookin’ for the next big score of squeaky balls! (That’s my back story; makes the game more realistic that way).

Oakley said he was ready, but I couldn’t help but notice he looked a bit uneasy – for which I can’t blame him.

Heck, he hasn’t driven a vehicle since the fire truck.. and we all know how that went.

So I explained how the game would work; “I’ll sneak around the house with my stolen bag of squeaky balls, and you have to try and spot me – and then chase me down!”

And here’s how it went:

Whoohoo! That was fun!

And he didn’t even crash! I was so impressed. Although he did rear-end me right at the end there. I had to warn him not to take this whole police chase thing too literally.

We played a few more rounds, and although I must admit Oakley’s driving has significantly improved, he DID have to call for a tow truck just once...

Just a little fender bender, so I told him not to fret about it. “At least you didn’t run anybody over..”

Next up, we decided to try a round downstairs. This time I was to be looting the cupboard of treats when Officer Oakley catches me red-handed!

And well, you’ll see what happens, but this time he seemed a little confused; driving right past me as if he didn’t even see me!

“Oakley! What the heck?!” I exclaimed, “That was the complete opposite of our previous chase! You don’t have to run me over, but you have to at least try to catch me!”

“Sorry” Oakley said. “I thought I smelled donuts and got a little distracted there…”

Eesh.

So being the good older brother I am, I let him catch me anyway..

Although it still bugs me he hasn’t tucked in his shirt yet..

Oakley was so happy with his police work that day that he decided to keep on his uniform. I later found him keeping watch of the front yard, with his police car nearby if he needed to jump into a quick chase.

That’s my brother Oakley! He may be a bit clumsy, but he always takes his jobs very seriously!

Keep chasin’,

~ Crusoe

Enjoy my brother Oakley? You’ll find more of him in my new book available on pre-order below!